it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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