i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
