Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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