The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
