You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
