the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
