You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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