I wish I could teleport
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize