fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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