i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize