I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
