Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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