you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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