Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
