we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Is Oprah even human
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
