you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We left the knife in your bed.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
