The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
