we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
