it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
