And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
