i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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