I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
