I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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