He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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