I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
