pop tarts are not kleenex
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
