Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
