sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
