Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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