you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize