i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
