Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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