I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
