i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I think i got beer on your cat.
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