she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
