oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize