Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Randomize
