planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize