I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
