who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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