so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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