i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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