He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
