how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
