and my herpes radar will keep us safe
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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