I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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