You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
