You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
