I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
