So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
