Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
