EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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