then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
