wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
