Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
