The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
