i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
