Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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