you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
