I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
