it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
