Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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