Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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