ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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