When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
