How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
