I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
