She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
